well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
