It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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