final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
