Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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