just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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