My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
