Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
