You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
