Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize