i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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