Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
