New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
