During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
