We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
