I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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