youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize