it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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