Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize