I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
