Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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