id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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