you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
