alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
