Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
