conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
