why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
