eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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