Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
