i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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