idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
