I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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