saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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