I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
