Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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