Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize