So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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