Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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