he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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