i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
