there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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