I heard we made out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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