so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
