Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
