he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
