I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
