She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
