could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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