when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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