She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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