I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
