I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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