Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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