There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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