Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have fence marks all over my body
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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