I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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