I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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