Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
