i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
