I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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