Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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