god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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