What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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