You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
