I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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