woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
