I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
