I heard we made out
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My dick has a subreddit
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
