Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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