You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
