I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
