Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
