she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
