Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
