I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
