I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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