I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
